crunkasfcuk

Pull the trigger, make it hurt.

2007-04-27T21:23:37Z

Feeling torn lately. Nothing in my life can ever be right. Something always has to fuck it up. On the upside, I am in a really good place right now. I am remembering who I used to be. I am finally free to be myself. Change is a good thing. And I was damn ready for a change. Crunk's Not Dead.! She never died. I am ready to find myself again and love life. Soo sick of bullshit and drama. I just wanna be at peace. Nothing is going to bother me anymore. "Fuck it" has become a common phrase for me. I am done being controlled. It is my time and I am being selfish with it. Downside, I miss my friends. I feel so alone. I know I brought it upon myself but I wish I could be forgiven. I miss having fun and being stupid. Careless and free. I need to face reality. Life sucks that way. Downside, I forget what it is like to be happy. It is awkward to smile and actually mean it. However, it can be hard to smile when you are all alone. I am ready to smile again. I am ready to go back to the way things used to be. But for some reason I don't think things will ever be the same. I guess this is where I apoligize. I am sorry. Sorry to all the people I left behind. Sorry about disappearing. Sorry about changing. Sorry it's over. Sorry I ruined everything. Sorry I forgot who really loved me. Sorry I let him mold me into something I wasn't. I just want to say sorry, for everything. I hope you accept. I miss my old life. I regret the last two years and the decisions I made. If I could go back in time I would never have let this happen. My thoughts are gone. I am done.

who knew.

2006-07-27T13:30:13Z

im feeling very artistic. monday chris and i came home early and went to michaels for 2 hours. we spent like $90 on the most ridiculous art supplies ever. then we spent the rest of the day creating things. he painted a bunch of tshirts and i made a scrapbook? i dont know. and i also had this crazy idea that on my lunch break i would go to love park and draw so i carry my brand new sketchbook around everyday and do i ever go to love park to draw? absolutley not. not even close. ohh well it was fun for that hour or so. getting off that subject. ive been feeling pretty good lately. despite getting beat up by blood, getting kicked out, having no money, being depressed and having crazy fits of anxiety attacks. im awesome hahaa. i really miss my mama. i feel like havnt seen her in forever. hopefully we can reunite this weekend. on the upside, i hung out with bean recently. i didnt realize how much i missed her until i saw her. i couldnt stop hugging and kissing her. shes even more beautiful then i remember. im sooo happy. i have no plans for this weekened so fingers crossed they involve alot of friends, alot of drugs & alcohol andd a good party. i hope someone calls. right now im at work trying to waste time. this could just possibly be the worst and most boring job ive ever had. even worse then the 212 degree pizza shop in the middle of july. ohh well its money, i geuss its worth it. friday amandalyn is comming out with me and chris on a double date. we've hooked her up with one of christophers good friends. i really want it to work out. she deserves something good in her life. i was explaining her personality and it really hit me how fucking awesome she is. im soo happy shes in my life. besides the fact that we do drugs together and get completely out of control she really is such a good influence on me. ahh i wish i had something intresting to write about but apparently i dont. hit me up cause god knows im about to die from boredom.

I LOVE LIFE...for now.

dustofapixie @ 2006-07-06T09:08:00

2006-07-06T13:22:05Z

i dont know what to say except thank god for my friends. i love you all. i dont know what id do without you guys. &&&& thats all for now.
CRUNK

dustofapixie @ 2006-06-30T09:20:00

2006-06-30T14:04:45Z

best week ever. my parents have been gone since sunday &&&&& ive been taking complete advantage of it. people over every night. swimming. drinking. smoking. crack of course. all that goood shit basically. even though my corny ass brother has been home. but thank god he left last night. bad news though. no weekend party. sorrry. after work tonight im heading down the shore. hopefully sean ob and kate will go this weekend too. i love themmm. i got this sick ass bowl yesterday on the streets of downtown philly. 10 bucks baby. cant beat that shit. its in the shape of a lizard. i fckin love it. me and kate christened that jawn. lost cooper. 23 hrs later, found cooper.
sooo right now im at "work" sitting at the computer watching music videos and eating a muffin. friday = not working. i misss my friends i cant wait to party this weekend. maybe ill update later. for now im done. calll me.

old school

2006-06-26T18:57:50Z

i havnt written in this jawn in over a year. it took me 10min to remember my password.
im sooo bored at work, anything will keep me intrested. i think maybe today i worked for a total of 5min. sucksss.

my weeekend was pretty uneventful.
friday just chilled and got SHHHHmangled.
same on saturday.
last night me &&& the hub went to TBS concert. which was fuckin awesome.

at lunch i went shopping at H&M. got a headband and pants. im cuteee.

my parents r away. & i willll play. im thinking beerBQ/pool party? i dont know yet. either way it should be fun.
i need to do something tho cause i desperately missss my friends. it feeels like forever. i work soo muchnow. im a 9 to 5 boring woman now. i hope they all still love me.

ibought this cd at starbucks today. its really good. her name is kt tunstall. bitch has a crazy good voice. ive been jammin to it all morning. ive got it made.

its beeen soo long i cant even remember how to work this piece.
ohh well.

im boring. fuck.

i misss chris, ali, bean, kate, dylan, ashmac, kat, kate, sean.ob, nassir&&jay, julia.
calll me. pleaseeeeeeeeee.

ka-toe-mah-tay.

all i have to do is dream...

2005-03-20T22:32:32Z

ahhh this weekend was nutty. friday i went to the bar with kristi, kelly, andrea, laura, and keri. it was a blast. we were soooooo wasted. haha i was dancing with old guys and the owner of the bar! it was great. thats what u gotta do for free drinks! uhh and we were there like all night practically. me and kelly r "celebrity bartenders" next weekend soo everyone should hit up curlys next friday. ive been pretty sick and i pretty much lost my voice friday night. ohh well if im gonna loose my voice, id rather loose it at the bar then anywhere else.

soooo then saturday i didnt think i was gonna do anything because i was kinda sick but gregory called and i decided to go to his birthday keg. half hour later him and joshua picked me up. we picked up 2 other girls and went to the kegger. alot of people were there, it was hot. well actually it was pretty cold. i did my first kegstand..it was frickin awesome!! greg held the nozzle while some kid steve held my legs up. i only lasted like 4 seconds lol but hey its better then nothing. kristen enggie wasnt there when i got there because she was pickin up ali! i wouldve been mad but she was getting ali! so i dont care.. kristen disappeared like 20 times soo it was pretty much me and ali all night!! ohh yeah.. we look like ashlee simpson (by the way). all of a sudden everyone peaced soo me and cheri started doing cartwheels. then ashley showed up!! lol.. it was a good time. greg passed out hahaha hopefully that means he had a good birthday! some kid hit me in the head with a baseball bat. i had a lump the size of texas on my head. hes dead, it hurt reallly bad. jerrry drove me home at like 12:45. i ate a cheeseburger and then went to bed.

today i woke up and felt like shit once again. i ate a bagel with cream cheese. and then i did my chemistry project. THE PERIODIC TABLE OF SHOES. lol i love mrs. scott. shes craziiee.. my mom is making ham and cabbage and now my house smells like a fart. i hate that shit. for dinner im having chicken fingers and a baked potatoe. lol now i have to do english and finsih copying stephanie english's chemistry project from last year. good lookin, kristen. lol okay welll thats alll

<333333 ashLEE/CRUNKKK

its me.. crunkiee

2005-01-24T08:19:08Z

hey, ohh by the way im crunk if you've forgotten. i havnt written in soo long, im sorry lol. this weekend bleww big donkey dick. friday i went out for a little but i had SAT's on saturday so i went in earlyy man. SAT's were a piece of cake. well apparently not, but me and stacey thought otherwise. lol we must be brilliant or something, i dont know. i deff got a 1200+ lol.. then later that day i went down the street to see this boy mike. it was fun. i got snowed in there and stayed til like 12:30. he walked me home, it was cute. lol. sunday i went over my friends house and watched the birds kick some major falcon ass. that was a good time. i havnt been drunk all weekend, not even buzzed. im dying here. we dont have school tom. i wanna get drunk without having to drink. lol. i wanna just wake up, take a shower, get pretty, go out, and then all of a sudden, BAM.. im drunk. call me tom. if you wanna get me drunk.

P.S. I need sex too.

never thought i'd say this...

2004-12-06T20:39:17Z

I am so over this. I have been put through such pain and heartache thanks to you, and I am finally over it. This may be the best feeling in the whole world. Knowing that I matter, and that I can and will be treated like the princess that I am. I deserve that. I deserve a man who would never cheat on me. Someone who dreams about me, someone who thinks that every move I make is a beautiful one. I am sick of feeling bad about myself. I am sick of crying. And I will never ever let you take away my smile again. People take for granted how wonderful it is to be able to smile, but when you can't for sooo long you realize how amazing it feels when you finally do again. You've made me realize what I DONT want in a man. Sure, I miss you. And yes, I had fun. But I am worth so much more than what you gave me. I will never allow anyone to treat me the way you did. I hope one day you grow up and realize how much pain you put me through. And I hope that when that day comes.. you feel bad. Because you should. You were my first love and I will never forget you, but I'm done. I am done. So thats that. I really never thought that I would be able to say that. I am soooo happy!! And I am sOoOoOoOo over this.

weekend madnesss

2004-12-06T02:05:54Z

oh my gah! this weekend was nutty.. letss see darlin`
friday .. me, kristi, kelly, and keri went over davess and were just chillin' at his house and he wasnt even home! lol soo fun. and then some more people came over and it was a good night. i was drinkin mad dog lol. it was soo funky but im down for anything lol.
and saturday was the real deal. kristi's parents were in mexico soo we def. didnt come home until 6am lol. sooooo much fun. we were sooo wasted. me and kristi went over daves again and there was a bunch of us there. we were drinkin st.ides and 6 packs lol. i was soooo drunk! i got beer spilled on my head, by a big asss ugly dude who was bitter that i wouldnt hook up with him, so i burnt him with my cigarette lol and he fell off his chair lol. we went to mcdonalds at 6 AM lol. soooo much fun. and uhh im in love lol. jk. im really not.
but uhh tongiht im just chilling because my parents miss me :[ awwww lol how cute?!! im missed lol

<3333 crunkk

my perfect guy..

2004-12-02T02:52:16Z

+ is taller than me
+ never cheats
+ holds the door for me
+ cuddles ... a lot
+ has dimples (perferably)
+ doesnt tickle me :|
+ ok he can tickle a little
+ treats me like a princess, because i am one
+ doesn't have hairy armpits
+ is ridiculously amusing
+ likes carnivals
+ lets me hide behind him during a scary movie
+ hugs with two hands
+ listens
+ is smart
+ has glasses but only wears them once in a while
+ wants kids
+ likes cats
+ knows how to party !
+ is good in the sack
+ has soft skin
+ and soft hair
+ doesnt care about "morning breath"
+ tells me im beautiful
+ looks into my eyes
+ loves me for me <333333

im picky now.. any takers?!

Dear Heart,

2004-11-29T04:00:25Z

Heart, I know I've been hard on you
I'm sorry for the things I've put you through
Before you start to break on me or ask for sympathy
I need to make you see

O, heart, I'm not sure it's been long enough
To say that what I feel is really love
There's just one way to learn, sometimes we'll get hurt
And right now it's our turn

Give it time, help me through
Heart, we can do this together
You're my strength, you're my soul
I need you now more than ever

Heart, all the hurt will soon be gone
If you'll, if you'll just keep on being strong
You will always be my friend, so keep on hangin' in
And we'll find love again

Give it time, help me through
Heart, we can do this together
You're my strength, you're my soul
I need you now more than ever

Heart, I know I've been hard on you
I'm sorry for the things I've put you through
Please don't you break on me, I need to make you see
It wasn't meant to be

Cause you will always be my friend, so keep on
hangin' in
And we'll find love again

R. O. W. a D. Y !!

2004-11-23T02:07:26Z

i suggest that someone pray to the holy lord that i dont fuck a bitch up. cause its about to get buck FUCKING wild up in hereee baby. lol. you know those people who never really did anything to you but you just fucking HATE them? yeahh im having one of those moments lol. well actually this bitch did something but thats not the point. i just fucking hate her. so deal with that!
but anywaysss my love. im soo bored and my ass hurts. today i was sucha geeek. i had this big old poster board alll day and in every single class i was working on it. i had pencil on my face like allll day baby! lol youuuu betttaa belivee it! lol thats whats up.
on wed. FINDING NEVERLAND comes to a theatre near you. im seeing it def. i love johnny depp. hes sooo effin hott homeboy. but besidess that. hopefully "someone" calls me and keeps his or her promisee and sees it with me. i shouldnt get my hopes up tho, cause "they" are just one big disappointment. yeah i said it. lol. im getting better. im a surviver, im not gonna give up, im not gonna stop! lol jk with yaaahh. but im not seeing it on wed. night cause i already have plans!
THE ARCHBISHOP RYAN HIGH SCHOOL "NIGHT BEFORE THANKSGIVING" FOOTBALL GAME.. im soo fucking pumpeddd baby! "pump, pump, pump it up" lol uhh yeah so how about school sayin they are gonna have breathalizers there.. ohh well im def. getting drunk so i geuss im going to jail baby!! start saving up the money for bail. okay well i gotta go man.

one more thing..
Elizabeth Schick is an amazing young women. She has such a big heart <3. I could NEVER live without her. She is my knight in shining armor lol. I LOVE YOUUU BIFFY! <3333
P.S. (lol) Tell you dad I said hi !! <3

P.S. EVERYONE TELL YOUR DADS I SAID HI !!

dustofapixie @ 2004-11-21T16:54:00

2004-11-21T22:05:51Z

So let me think. I havn't written in a while. So sorry man. Okay well where shall I begin?

Last week sucked major ass. Quite possibly one of the worst weeks of my entire life. The pain was at an all time high. I cant live like this anymore. It's time that I realize that your never comming back. I need to move on with my life and let you go. It's so hard, I love you. Anyways... So much drama. I can't stand it. Grow up you petty little girl. How can you be ready for the real world when your still letting stupid little arguments ruin the best friendship of your life? Oh well other then that everythings okay lol. School was suprisingly good. I think I'm getting 1st honors and I wasn't in a bad mood despite everything thats happning.

This weekend was fun. Friday night I went out with Kelly and Kristi and got soo fucked up lol.. I loved it baby!! Then yesterday we couldnt find anything fun to do so we just drove around and smoked. Still wasnt that bad lol. And now the Eagles are on and I'm bout ready to go out. I need to get drunk lol.

Byeeeeeee I love you's <3333333

Biff you my girl! <33

when will this be over..

2004-11-09T01:58:00Z

this weekened wasnt half bad man.. friday me and mk just drove around looking to find somewhere to get drunk lol but we had no luck soo we kept driving and driving and driving and finally went down temple, we picked up pat and went to get some chessesteaks. it was funny witnessing mk drive on 95.. she was freaking out the whole time. lol i love her! me and fran were texting and then he called me. he said he "missed me" but thats such bullshit. but of course i believe him. lol then saturday we were determined to get drunk! lol.. soo me and lisa smoked at my house and then we had to take lisa home cause her mom is nuts lol and then me and mk went out with her "boyfriend" to his friends house and he had a bottle for us! there were 2 other kids there but they werent my type lol.. i still flirted - i think lol i dont remember much about that night. me and mk killed a while bottle of southern comfort lol.. we r booze hounds! lol the 2 boys kept calling me brit? lol they said i was gorgeous lol yeahh right. but yeah i drank alot and i kept smoking soo i was pretty gone. oh yeah and i talk in my sleep apartently. haha. and then sunday me mk and lisa went to see saw. we smoked before. lol we were soo scared we left! well mk was really scared. we r going back tom. after school tho. lol
ohh yeah i got some pics back soo check out the profile! theres new ones in there baby!! lol..
and umm today was bad. i got sick. a lot. i left school early. its embarresing to cry in school lol. i should get an award for that tho. umm i HATE the nurse. she makes me soooo mad. i hope she gets fired lol. but im feeling a little better. well at least my stomach is. but im not. im sadd today. veryyy sad. but ohh well whats new.
i love you biff! and i also love heather. i love _ _ _ _ sorry but i do <3

dustofapixie @ 2004-11-01T20:02:00

2004-11-02T01:20:38Z

this weekend was suprisingly not as depressing as usual.

friday i went to south street with kelly beatrice and kristi.. to try and get a costume but i didnt have enough money soo after they BOTH got costumes we ledt downtown and smoked at their friends house. it was fun. i beat their friend in mortal combat like 4 times!! YOU CANT TOUCH THIS FOOL! lol

saturday me, mk, lisa, and blair went back to south street and got harrassed like 30 times! we were trying to park on south street but nobody can drive soo we got stuck and there was like a mile long line behind us and some lady got out of the cab behind us and stuck her hands in our car and steered our wheel! lol i was going bananas! lol when we finally got a parking spot we parked sooo bad hahaa ohh well.. i got my costume! i was a ballerina!! it was sooo cute.. lol but then the real fun happened.. i got dresses in the car on the way home and at a red light on a very busy intersection i got out in my tutu and did a chinese fire alarm! lol sooo funny.. then we went to a "costume" party but uhhh i was the only one dressed up! yeahh thanks guys FUNNY FUCKING JOKE! lol.. ohh well i got drunk and it was funn.. oh yeah on the way home i threw up in a wendys bag! lol

and when sunday finally arrived i was soo pumped becausee my goal was to get all done up and go to a costume party in a costume! lol.. it kinda worked out.. me and mk and lisa went out to get some last min. acessories and then we all got dressed at my house! it was fun.. I saw stacey and amanda on amandas street but they didnt know what they were doing so mk continued driving!! stacey and amanda looked sexy! lol.. I was a ballerina!! (kinda slutty - but cute at the same time!) MK was a playboy bunny (slutty), LISA was an angel/fairy lol (slutty but holy) and blair was a cat? lol i dont know hahaa.. the night sucked tho we went to a "party" lol it was bad.. we left and went over lisa's and watched a movie and ate ALOT! then me and mk got sleepy so we drove blair home and went back to mks.. then we woke up and invited some boys over!! lol and you can leave the rest to your imagination baby!! lol..

and today me mk and nick woke up kinda late and did nothing for like the whole day.. then me and mk took him home and came back to her house and ate some candy and then went to lisa's to help her with a project and then mk dropped me off and i fell asleep lol..

overall it was a good weekend!

this is where i say i've had enough..

2004-10-25T02:42:09Z

i dont think anyone understands how much i hate my life. everything is wrong. everything. why fucking me? seriously like what have i done that is soooo wrong? not to sound mean but there are plenty of other people who actually fucking deserve to be put thru hell. i dont know. i cant even think enough to finish this.. bye

sOo this is my life :\

2004-10-21T00:50:03Z

ehhh so i havn't written in a while but thats okay, man. last weekend was rowdy! lol.. friday went to frans and watched him sleep for 4 1/2 hourss but whatever and saturday i went to HP with my girl stacey! woo hoo.. sooo fun baby! i was sooo f'kin messsy its awesome! i dont remember a thing but thats okay, man! you know when you wake up after a really drunk night and have like 20 new numbers in your phone and they look like this...
Name: Gkj8&
Number: 54523
yeahhh well that is now what my entire phonebook looks like lol.. ohh well man good times.
but anyways okay my life pretty much sucks right now i am sooo depressed. i hate everything but it feels nice to have friends. i need to have a really awesome weekend, okay girls?! i dont wanna cry or spill the beans so im gonna end this now before i get all emotional! lol.. one more thing tho.. HEY BIFFY I LOVE YOU! <3 BFF

dustofapixie @ 2004-10-10T14:42:00

2004-10-10T18:59:31Z

i am so confused. i never thought things could get worse then they were, but once again i am wrong. i remember us. i remember all the funny things we did, all the stupid things we did, and all the drunk things we did. sure id take some of them back but most of them defined us. all those things made us, us. i wish i could go back in time and read your mind. i wish i knew what you wanted from me. i would change everything about myself just to make you happy. you ignore me, you leave me worried about you for days at a time, you torture me - and i would go through this forever if i knew one day we'd be happy again. your driving me insane. this doesnt even make sense.. do i make sense? i want to cry all the time. people say im too good for you and i wish i could believe them. i still feel like im the bad one. i still feel like i did something wrong. im sick of apologizing for all of YOUR mistakes. someone help me. make me realize that i dont need this. this weekend someone said they "liked me" and another said that they "liked my personality". why is that so hard for me to believe?! LOOK AT WHAT YOUR DOING TO ME.!! you are making me hate myself. do you like having so much power over me? is this what you've wanted all along? to make me literally sick, to make me hate myself? would you even care if i told you i cry everynight? that no matter who im with or what im doing i am thinking of you? would that make a difference? i didn't think so. I miss you. I miss me. I miss us! we were perfect.. what happened? I love you! why dont you see that. no matter how hard or how long you search you will NEVER find anyone who will love you like I DO!.. i can make you happy if you will let me try. PLEASE LET ME TRY!! <|3

monday blues :\

2004-10-04T19:58:21Z

okay who wants an update on yesterday?! ohh well your getting one anyways.. hmmm well frans dad picked me up.. and me, fran, frans dad, biff, and betty went to the movies. even tho it is ridiculously overpriced. we saw sky captain and the world of tomorrow, it was really weird but i liked it. ummm then after the movies we went got pizza and soda and went back to frans and ate. yummm it was delicious! lol..then we watched extreme makeover home edition awww that show is soo sweet. i love it lol!.. then frans pop drove me home and that was that. when i got home i went online and talked to fran some more lol and then at 12 he called to say goodnight and then he called again at 4AM!!!!! lol.. hes nutty!!

today sucked. school sucks. french sucks. life sucks. people suck. whores deffinetly suck. lol no but really..
1st period - got in trouble
2nd period - shes a physco
3rd period - he went nutty
4th period - nothing.. again
5th period - my moms soo weird
6th period - notes.. again
7th period - ms. forester..enough said
8th period - art sucks
okayy ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ........ BYE <3

"I WANT MY PINK SHIRT BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "dont look at me." lol

you cant just ask people why there white

2004-10-03T16:43:48Z

last night was soo gay but fun at the same time.. went over marykatess and watched mean girls - sucha good movie lol.. fran called at like 1 and we talked for a while.. i was soo happy.. i think we are gonna see shark tale today! lol i cant wait.. im soo nervous i might need a few shots before i go lol jk.. should i download kazza?! i dont wanna fuck up my computer but i need music!! ahh.. i would just like to add that i LOVE kristen english.. she is soo cool for teaching my retarted ass how to make a livejournal! lol chemistry class is soo kick asss lol jk.. but anywayss i just asked my mom if i could see fran today and she started cryingg awww man now i feel dumb.. this suckss soo bad.. okay well i let you know how it went peaceee